Is "Normal" Strange?
Ever wonder if you're "normal"?
Lately, that's been something on my brain. Last week would've been my 7th anniversary, had my husband lived. It's now the second November 14th without him.
Is it normal that I was "okay" on the 14th? That I didn't collapse into a fit of hysteria over the loss of my husband? That my emotions remained even? That I could do my work and enjoy my friends throughout the day?
Yes. I'm "normal". (Whew!)
My grief went through the regular stages. Even though David's death wasn't a complete surprise (ask me for details if you want to know our history), I still had a numbness for a while, and a lethargy, sometimes forgetting to go to bed or to eat, or to get dressed. After a couple months, I asked friends if I could move in with them, because I recognized in myself the beginnings of a depression, an inward-focusing mindset that's not healthy. Not only is it not healthy, it's actually sinful, since Scripture tells us to think of others as more important than ourselves, and not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think (Philippians 2:3-4, Romans 12:3). Having people around me forced me to wake up each day, get dressed, eat normally, sleep every day...things like that. Having people around me forced me out of myself - made me think of others, be considerate, try to be helpful. Having my friends' 4 kids around me all day every day gave me cause to smile on a regular basis, even amidst my tears. And they certainly kept me busy.
From the moment I became a widow, I was comforted by the fact of God's absolute sovereignty over all things. His grace was my daily rest (still is). And from the beginning, I could laugh as well as cry. I've met many widows who cannot.
So, my "normal" self is going about her work each day (very busy with my church's relief work since Hurricane Katrina), finding time to enjoy her family & friends and their children, and dreaming of her future. She remembers her husband, gets nostalgic at times and is eternally grateful for the wonderful family she gained when she married him. She will never forget the love she shared with the one who's gone, and because of that, her heart is free to love and be loved again.
God has been so good to me. For a short time He gave me a man who though broken in body, stood tall in the eyes of those around him for his steadfast faith. He granted me a family of in-laws who "adopted" me as their own. He grew me up in the knowledge of Himself by the day by day struggles we faced. He taught me to rest in His sovereignty in the midst of any trial (like everybody else, I fail at this a lot, but He always sets me on my feet again). In my grief, He comforted me by His presence and the ministry of my family and friends. He has made me content to await His will for my future, whether married or unmarried, with or without children of my own. He allowed me glimpses of His glory through my marriage, through David's death and through my grief. As David always tried to remind me, this world is not my home, and the struggles I have here are but "light and momentary afflictions", not comparable to the incredible eternal glory that awaits me. (2 Corinthians 4:17)
By His grace alone I stand,
Laura
Lately, that's been something on my brain. Last week would've been my 7th anniversary, had my husband lived. It's now the second November 14th without him.
Is it normal that I was "okay" on the 14th? That I didn't collapse into a fit of hysteria over the loss of my husband? That my emotions remained even? That I could do my work and enjoy my friends throughout the day?
Yes. I'm "normal". (Whew!)
My grief went through the regular stages. Even though David's death wasn't a complete surprise (ask me for details if you want to know our history), I still had a numbness for a while, and a lethargy, sometimes forgetting to go to bed or to eat, or to get dressed. After a couple months, I asked friends if I could move in with them, because I recognized in myself the beginnings of a depression, an inward-focusing mindset that's not healthy. Not only is it not healthy, it's actually sinful, since Scripture tells us to think of others as more important than ourselves, and not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think (Philippians 2:3-4, Romans 12:3). Having people around me forced me to wake up each day, get dressed, eat normally, sleep every day...things like that. Having people around me forced me out of myself - made me think of others, be considerate, try to be helpful. Having my friends' 4 kids around me all day every day gave me cause to smile on a regular basis, even amidst my tears. And they certainly kept me busy.
From the moment I became a widow, I was comforted by the fact of God's absolute sovereignty over all things. His grace was my daily rest (still is). And from the beginning, I could laugh as well as cry. I've met many widows who cannot.
So, my "normal" self is going about her work each day (very busy with my church's relief work since Hurricane Katrina), finding time to enjoy her family & friends and their children, and dreaming of her future. She remembers her husband, gets nostalgic at times and is eternally grateful for the wonderful family she gained when she married him. She will never forget the love she shared with the one who's gone, and because of that, her heart is free to love and be loved again.
God has been so good to me. For a short time He gave me a man who though broken in body, stood tall in the eyes of those around him for his steadfast faith. He granted me a family of in-laws who "adopted" me as their own. He grew me up in the knowledge of Himself by the day by day struggles we faced. He taught me to rest in His sovereignty in the midst of any trial (like everybody else, I fail at this a lot, but He always sets me on my feet again). In my grief, He comforted me by His presence and the ministry of my family and friends. He has made me content to await His will for my future, whether married or unmarried, with or without children of my own. He allowed me glimpses of His glory through my marriage, through David's death and through my grief. As David always tried to remind me, this world is not my home, and the struggles I have here are but "light and momentary afflictions", not comparable to the incredible eternal glory that awaits me. (2 Corinthians 4:17)
By His grace alone I stand,
Laura
We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, "I believed and therefore I spoke," we also believe and therefore speak, knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:8-18)
posted by Laura | 9:05 AM
3 Comments:
Laura
Nanci Lea From ARK
I'm glad that we could spend part of this time with you.
hey ms Laura, this is kathleen Galloway, i love your site/blog. the pictures are great. i miss you, and everyone at sovereign grace, i was looking at the web site and found your's and mrs gail's blogs. just wanted to say hi. God bless,
-kathleen
Laura,
Thank you for your testimony of the grace of God permeating your life. It is only His grace that would allow you to appreciate His good purpose. Men detest the things of God. But it is obvious that His grace has gripped your life, and we have been encouraged by seeing it working in your life. Thank you for your testimony.
Evan.
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